Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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