Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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