My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
