I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
