some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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