Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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