1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
