so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
