I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
