I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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