She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
