I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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