Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
