we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't deserve a penis
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
