The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
