you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
