erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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