used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
