Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
