I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
