how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
