So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
