i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
