I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
