YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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