if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Acid is not a monday night drug
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
