He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
