How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
