nut hugger
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
