just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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