well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
