also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
