So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
