My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
