im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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