I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
