3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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