how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
