He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
