I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
