New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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