I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
