No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
