And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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