We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
