why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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