Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
