genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
