similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize