So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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