Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
