I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
