i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
