Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Boobs are out for the taking
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
